Don't forget to name the three things you've always wanted to do but haven't tried yet.
There are so many things going on in the news that it's hard to keep up with it all. Some of it upsets me. Some of it interests me. And some of it, well, what can I say...?
This story takes place in suburban Chicago. I've been to Chicago many times, but I've never left O'Hare, so my mental image of the city itself is left over from the 1920s and '30s gangster movies. To me, Chicago equals organized crime, and Mayor Daley (the first one--I don't know about the newest one) had a reputation that suited that image.
So then I read about the attack squirrel in the February 28, 2006 Courier News (HT: probably WorldNetDaily).
Two Crete women are in good condition after being attacked by a squirrel earlier this month.
The squirrel was caught in a trap and is being tested by the Will County Animal Control office, Police Chief Paul VanDeraa said.
A woman was scratched in the leg and bitten by a squirrel Feb. 16 as she walked from her porch to her car, VanDeraa said.
Three days later, another woman was scratched while she was in an area several blocks away from the first attack, VanDeraa said.
Both women sought medical attention and are fine, VanDeraa said.
You have to wonder, since the squirrel went right for the legs. Was this a mob-related hit? Who's to say? And how do they know they caught the right squirrel?
Then the authorities went into a sort of blame-the-victim mode.
VanDeraa said he believes the incidents occurred because someone has been feeding the squirrel.
"I recommend people do not feed squirrels," he said.
Even if this isn't a mob hit and it's really about feeding the animals, still these are squirrels in trouble, attempting to shake down the locals. "Feed me or I'll hurt you."
When will it stop? And how far will it spread?
5 comments:
My sources tell me that a local television station has been replaying episodes of the Rocky and Bowinkle Cartoons and that this has infuriated the squirrels. Evidently the squirrels hold Rocky in such high esteem that they feel the cartoons are blasphemous.
An unidentified tall and thin woman was viciously attacked, and in a subsequent interview said in a heavy Russian accent, "I hate moose and squirrel."
Developing...
Chris,
You made me laugh out loud, and this isn't the first time either.
You're the reason I've been breaking one of the Ten Commandments lately: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's written sense of humor.
Charlie,
Ummm.... I've never been outside O'Hare, so I can't confirm anything for you. Great theory, though. It would explain a lot.
Rocky&Bowinkle brought me here! But I stumbled over your funny "animal kingdom conspiracy theories" and had to laugh out loud! I guess we should embrace every occasion to get a good laugh these days, right! But where can I actually get (cartoon) images of R&B?
thx.,pretzel
Pretzel,
I'm glad you had a good laugh.
You might try Google images, but use "rocky bullwinkle" for your search. It will give you better results.
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