Today it's gloomy.
Yesterday was a surprise because, when I left work, the temperature was hovering somewhere between Very Warm and Kinda Hot. It felt like a Santa Ana coming on. But not today. Today they're expecting thunderstorms. And right as I typed this, I heard the first of the raindrops hitting the window ledge outside our office.
It's gray outside. It's cold inside. And I'm at loose ends after yesterday.
Yesterday I was following Suggestion 19 (Be bold and courageous), hoping for Suggestion 2 (Work at something you enjoy...) to kick in. It felt good to be bold, to imagine and try for a life that's completely different from the one I led while I was raising my kids. Supporting a family doesn't usually call for this kind of boldness.
I had started taking some practical steps in case I got hired: Make sure my ex-husband would take in our daughter (he would), start thinking about who could take care of my little dog Abby (I wouldn't be able to keep her), and let my daughter's friend know that she might not have a place to stay anymore.
Everyone was excited for me, because they saw the excitement in my eyes--my friends, my daughter, and even her friend (even though she would probably have to move back in with her mom, until the two sisters and their mom argued again and their mom threw the older daughter out again). And when I broke the news that I wasn't selected, they were disappointed for me, even though they were glad I wouldn't be leaving. My daughter's friend told me she didn't mind moving back in with her mom, if it meant I'd be able to have my dream. What great girls I have at home.
So I'm trying to fight the gloom, that letdown that comes after the adrenaline is gone. And I'm trying to hang on to the boldness instead. I may just have to watch Gallipoli tonight, though, and then shake it all off tomorrow and get busy.